This road we are on can be a tough road, and definitely a lonely one when no support is around. And sometimes the pressure gets the best of us where we want to quit, to give up, to walk away. And honestly no one can blame you for doing so. It gets hard the funny looks, the judgment passed on you as if you were the one that committed the crime. The tough decisions you have to make like wanting to do nice things for yourself but knowing he needs that package ordered before the 27th.
Choosing to give up your freedoms like hanging out and doing girl things because of his insecurities. The constant need to always be strong because he shouldn’t detect that something is wrong because he has enough going on to keep his mind occupied and you don’t want to put that on him. Having to wear the bearer of bad news hat when family and friends promise they gon do stuff like send money and letters and they don’t. Or having to act like you calling these people just so he will know you are being submissive. But the worst is, if he has kids and his babymomma keeps the kids away because you two are involved. And that shit starts to mess with your mental having you to think in the back of your mind like what the hell did i get myself into?
So then you have to weigh the the pros and cons and if the good outweighs the bad you continue. But there are some times where the bad out weighs the good that is when you have to seek God and if he tells you its time to go you go. I had to walk away from Cody 3 times and I didn’t know if i was coming back. I left because i needed to be sure and that I could commit myself and be loyal again to someone in the inside, to put myself in the eyes of people of making the same mistake twice. To submit my kids to the prison letters, the calls and visits. To wait for the unknown and be ready to accept if it doesn’t work again.
I had to take the time to search my heart for answers my mind for motives and I realized I couldn’t live my life with regrets. I couldn’t help who I loved and I wasn’t going to live my life for others to avoid conflicts. I was going to do me and what made me happy and that was to stay and know when the world turns its back on me that if God is for us who can be against us?
I walked away to get some peace
to think things through
to be at ease
I walked away to find whats best
to clear my mind
and get things off my chest
I walked away because I was unsure
I wanted it to be real
Our love to be pure
I walked away because
I didnt want to be played again
to be sold a fairy tale dream
by someone i called my man
After talking to God
he gave me his peace
he gave me shoulder
so i could release
And to cast all my worries upon him
that i wore on my face
to give me the things i needed
which were his mercy and grace
He let me know then
not everyone is the same
even though they were both there
they didn’t play the same game
That my heart he had healed
so I could move one
from the pain and the hurt
that I held for so long
So on March 10th I vowed to stay
to never turn my back
to never stray
and to never ever again choose to walk away
Love clw